I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
