found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She has the best kind of daddy issues
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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