If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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