Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
