Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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