I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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