I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got inside last night via doggy door
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
