Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
