C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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