i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
