Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
