Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
