need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dignity is for republicans.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
