Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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