Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
