You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
