I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
