it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
