So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
