and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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