I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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