My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
