I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize