Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
