K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
