that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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