Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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