I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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