Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
