"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
