I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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