i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
