okay pat passed out under dana's car
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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