I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
