I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
