Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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