remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
