my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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