No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
