waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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