just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
