i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
