I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
