Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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