he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
