He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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