Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
