Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
