know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Come see our sink grown plant.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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