apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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