i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
