theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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