Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
