apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
