yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
