The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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