There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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