His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
