But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I died a long time ago.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
