if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
