There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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