Plan B is the new Plan A
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
