what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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