Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
