i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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