Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
