I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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