so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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