You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
