I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
