New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
