Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
