haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bring money and cleavage
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
