I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
