he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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