dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
