After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
