I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
