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I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
