I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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