Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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