Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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